Alex Dolinger | Staff Columnist
Alex’s yellow lab, Wrecks Goliath, is in a mud hole.
In these stressful times, we all cling to our chosen source of information, looking for answers, comfort and the way forward. The one who doesn’t keep up with the news is my beautiful yellow lab, Wrecks Goliath.
The sunken stones bear the name of a mythical 47 kilogram rooster, Rex Goliath, who is also a wine brand. Moving to wrecks is a pun, because wrecks, just like their owners, are a disaster.
Since Vrex is a dog, he can’t get the coronavirus. So he now spends an absolute amount of time in his life doing a lot of super exciting things.
Exciting times. Nowadays one exciting event follows another and I’m here to tell about things you can do to have a life as exciting as a sweet, sweet wreck.
I can’t tell you how many times I walked that dog. It’s an obscene amount of preparatory work. Walking on the streets several times a day is the only thing people in the house can do for fun, so the puppy trains well enough. On the way, the wrecks like to jump on the neighbours who don’t respect the 1.80 m rule and stop to talk to us. Wracks is a good guy who defends social distance. Be like wrecks.
- Go to the park
When my family and I want to relive our lives, we get in the car and drive wreckage to the park where we throw a tennis ball with a tennis ball thrower and drive him crazy. He’s super stupid, so he often loses the ball, even though he stands out. It’s always fun until I have to run a long distance to get the ball. For obvious reasons it is good to go alone with nature and release some of the energy you have after long days of zooming. It’s also a good excuse to put on pants.
- Lying in the mud in the park.
When we talk about the park, it is always very dirty, because the weather is disgusting and he doesn’t care that we are all in quarantine. The people who were swallowed found the biggest and wettest puddle of dirt and garbage and lay in it. It’s an even better way to be in harmony with nature. The destruction of your mother’s car is a clear bonus.
- Bite someone to release the stored energy.
Because we have the worst, my family is moving into a new house. This way we have all kinds of new faces in and out of the house, which is very disturbing, wrecks. The movers came to us recently, and the debris bit one of them. It wasn’t that hard to do any real damage, but it was hard enough to make Daddy talk about it every day for the past two weeks. Vrex strongly recommends it and says it’s the most vibrant thing he’s felt in weeks.
- Have some cookies.
An exciting new lesson about quarantine attempts to train the wreckage and teach her new tricks, such as not biting people or lying down. Several members of my family will hold small trainings several times a day in our kitchen. Every time Wrecks does something he has to do – and sometimes when he doesn’t – he takes a dog biscuit and takes to the streets. The next time you quarantine baked goods, try to make something out of them and teach your family some new tricks, like being friendly to each other and standing on their feet.
- Eat hooligan chopsticks.
I’m gonna ruin your day with this information. There’s a kind of dog rodent called a bullshit. The bull’s stick is a one-piece rodent made from protein-rich beef muscle, especially the bull pizza – or the penis.
I hate this information as much, if not more, than you do. I tried to stop my parents from buying these things because the part of me that tries to be a vegetarian has completely collapsed into the existence of these things. And they smell very bad, too. Because we’re both in quarantine and on the road, the wreckers are eating some hooligan sticks. The sips may recommend participating in these delicacies, but I strongly advise against it.
- Eating watercolor
In short, I’m an idiot and I’ve dropped a whole pot of watercolor paint, and I’m 90% sure that some wreckage ate one of the jars. Don’t worry, he’s fine. I’m also 90% sure that labs can eat and live almost anything to tell a story. This does not apply to all species, which makes this opinion particularly stupid.
- Cleaning 12 times a day.
Spring is the noise season, which means that wrecks are leaking at an alarming rate. It is normal to own a dog, but because we are all so crazy, it seems to be particularly bad. To counter this phenomenon, we always come to the garage when we get bored and try to reduce the amount of fur that covers every area of our house with a brush, a so-called furrier. You probably don’t spill as much hair as wreckage, but you can try to find someone to clean your hair for you.
- make friends
The last item on the list of recommendations in the event of a shipwreck is new knowledge. Wreckage is friends with the neighbor dog Bella over the fence in his garden. Bella is a little Bernedula puppy, who is always very happy with visitors. Two dogs bark at each other and run back and forth over the fence. Dogs don’t need social distance, but these two do. Oh, to be a puppy that my friend saw over the fence. Even at times like these, Wrecks encourages you to find ways to connect.